FILM: A Few Best Men (dir: Stephan Elliot, 2012)

"I thought it would be funny at the time."

This Brit/Oz-hybrid is a simple-minded attempt at The Hangover market that comes too late to offer anything original, and the juvenile level of humour and dialogue hits the mark only occasionally.  Xavier Samuel makes a well-meaning but bland lead as the groom, with odd support from his Brit best friends: Kris Marshall is disappointingly flat, and Kevin Bishop at times appears to be creating a spoof character from one of his TV shows.  The big surprise is that the female characters are so under-written, suggesting that the target demographic is clearly undiscerning teenage boys.  There are some pleasures to be found - a soundtrack of pop-tastic 70s/80s covers (but really: Rock and Roll Part 2?), and a very game Olivia Newton-John giving it all as the mother-in-law high on coke - but overall this is very thin and patience-testing comedy indeed.

FILM: The Possession (dir: Ole Bornedal, 2012)

"Are you scared?"
"No."

With little to offer that is not glimpsed in the trailer, apart from a fairly perfunctory exorcism at the end, The Possession is heavy on style but light on shocks or horror.  The film sits comfortably with the 'golden age' of possession/evil spirit thrillers from the 70s and early 80s - notably The Omen, The Entity and even Poltergeist - to the extent that it treads a very well-worn narrative path that offers no real surprises.  Making the evil spirit part of the Jewish tradition does not change the possession-subgenre tropes that are trudged through here, and there is even a nod to Paranormal Activity's episodic structure through cut-off sound giving way to a single piano note to set up the next event.  Performances are variable: Jeffrey Dean Morgan gives the father genuine grounding and gravitas; Kyra Sedgwick's take on the mother is unusually overwrought here; the younger (and ultimately possessed) sister is effective, but the older sister is painfully blank.  The film ends up being more of a sombre divorce-by-numbers melodrama rather than the shock-fest that it has been marketed as, worthily constructed but not too exciting to watch.

FILM: Total Recall IMAX (dir: Len Wiseman, 2012)

"What could be better than a double agent who doesn't know that's what he is?"

The Arnie/Verhoeven 1990 film was very much a product of its time and of its star and director - a gaudy, cheesy, colourful cartoon - and Len Wiseman's 2012 version is a hugely entertaining action/sci-fi romp for very different reasons.  The almost non-stop action is frantic and very well-handled, whilst dialogue is not the film's strongest area, with what little there is frequently sounding rather stilted.  The visual scale, ambition and detail is extremely impressive, creating an expansive dystopian world and some striking visual ideas and set-pieces.  Placing an actor as nuanced and thoughtful as Colin Farrell in the Doug Quaid role was a smart move, as he handles the action well and fills in the dialogue gaps most effectively. Kate Beckinsale chews the scenery enthusiastically as the 'wife', but all the other characters are given very little screen time or development.  The decision not to go to Mars in this version is no loss, as the central conceit works just as well in this visually-rich Earthbound environment.  Total Recall 2012 is not a profound meditation on reality and the mind, but as huge-scale popcorn entertainment it works just fine.

FILM: The Three Stooges (dirs: Bobby and Peter Farrelly, 2012)

"How could this possibly get any worse?"

The youngest children in the audience chuckled often at the slapstick, but for anyone else this is a surprisingly thin and repetitive film.  The three leads try very hard, and a couple of set-piece routines come off very well, but the transplanting of the Stooges into the modern world is sadly underused and the slim plot lacks any power to engage. The intention of creating a live-action cartoon complete with appropriate sound effects is consistent but the result in the real-world field of action often comes across as mean-spirited or simply pain-inflicting.  Curiously, a brief section of the trio as ten-year-olds at the orphanage seems to create the most successful tone, but as a whole the film disappoints.

FILM: The Watch (dir: Akiva Schaffer, 2012)

REVIEW No. 300!

"Touch my goo, Bob!"

The Watch is a very tepid sci-fi comedy.  The humour is mostly lacklustre, and the dramatic elements are too lightweight and an uncomfortable fit to the movie.  The film does sporadically come to life - the quartet's gleeful playing with the 'destruction ray' ball is a good example - but there are many stretches during which the story does not advance or scenes simply feel overstretched and not very interesting.  Stiller, Vaughn and Hill give their usual stock character performances, whilst Ayoade is given little with which to work - the four leads seldom spark off each other, unlike the camaraderie of the Ghostbusters team, and it is hard to imagine that Stiller's character would tolerate the other three in his life at all.  A surprisingly lively (if brief) finale is very welcome, but overall The Watch barely bumps along as average.

FILM: The Expendables 2 (dir: Simon West, 2012)

"A little extreme...but nice...."

In critical terms, The Expendables 2 is not a 'good' movie - but it is designed purely as a crowd-pleaser, and on those terms it delivers very well indeed.  The formula of the original film's Antiques Roadshow of 80s action stars is repeated here, but the second time round it is bigger, dafter and more enjoyably outrageous, largely thanks to Simon West giving one of his most directorially-consistent shows.  The deftly linear plot barely pauses for thought (any explanation of Chuck Norris's team-saving appearance would be interesting, for example) yet the daftness inherent in the whole enterprise is simply part of its fun.  The terrific opening rescue sequence is breathlessly deployed and, apart from occasional madly unexpected moments, the other big set pieces in the film cannot quite match up to it.  Dialogue is not expected to be a strong point, and the self-referencing is annoying rather than funny (variations on 'I'll be back' and 'terminated' in particular), but some dialogue scenes seem almost unfinished and simply grind to a halt.  Statham is the stand-out here (he does this kind of material so well), Van Damme proves to be a surprisingly strong addition as does Hemsworth Jnr,  Lundgren as comic relief (!) is a bonus, and in his disappointingly brief screen time, seeing Jet Li armed only with a frying pan take out half-a-dozen villains is beyond joy.  The Expendables 2 is great silly low-rent action fun, and a third spin around the block would not be unwelcome.

FILM: Brave 3D (dirs: Brenda Chapman and Mark Andrews, 2012)

"Something's not right."

Brave has all the hallmarks of Pixar - stunning to look at, great characterisation, a big moral centre (listen to and love your parents, kids!) and a finely-realised theatre of action - but somehow it never seems to quite engage or interest in the way that the studio's best films achieve.  The feisty teenage princess Merida, superbly voiced by Kelly MacDonald, is a great central character, but the peculiar path that the story takes with regards to the Queen does not quite gel with the lively and beautifully-drawn vision of ancient Scotland that is established.  There is a lot to admire and enjoy in Brave, but in the Pixar league this is a middle-ranker.

FILM: The Bourne Legacy (dir: Tony Gilroy, 2012)

"Is that it?  Is that all there is?"

The first half of The Bourne Legacy is uncomfortably dull, with three fundamental difficulties: the exposition-filled dialogue is uninteresting; the characters do very little; and the attempt at the Bourne style does not sit well with the scenarios on offer.  Jeremy Renner and Rachel Weisz are two fine actors, and once circumstances throw them together, the lead characters find a sense of purpose and the actors visibly play off each other very well.  The action in the second half of the film works effectively, especially the final chase through Manila, if not quite matching up to the previous films in the franchise, James Newton Howard provides a strong and interesting music score, and the sideways linking to the Matt Damon films is done nicely throughout.  The film would have benefited from less tortuous setting up at the start, as once it gets going The Bourne Legacy is a solid action thriller.

FILM: Diary Of A Wimpy Kid - Dog Days (dir: David Bowers, 2012)

"It's...amusing."

The third entry in the Wimpy Kid franchise respects its (young) target audience by maintaining quality and providing solid, consistent and innocuous entertainment.  A key factor in the success of the series is maintaining its key core cast members who clearly enjoy and care about what they are doing.  From the slick opening pre-titles barrage of well-mounted gags, carefully set-up gags pay off nicely both long-term and short-term, and whilst it lacks the cohesion, focus and silliness of the previous entry, Dog Days certainly delivers its gentle, well-crafted humour most effectively.

FILM: Ted (dir: Seth Macfarlane, 2012)

"LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!  LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!  LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!"

It is good news:  Ted more than delivers on its terrific trailers.  For all its stoner/bodily functions gags, Ted is an extremely smart movie in its conception and writing, cleverly hitting its audience sectors squarely and successfully: a buddy/slacker movie for the guys, superior rom-com for the ladies, a slew of wonderfully-chosen 80s references for that generation, and of course the child in everyone through the central character of Ted.  To its credit, the movie draws in the viewer from the outset (even Patrick Stewart's opening narration provides two laugh-out-loud gags) and at no point does the audience find any need to question the ridiculous high-concept premise, such is the power of the writing and characterisation of Ted (voiced wonderfully by creator Seth Macfarlane) and the playing of the 'human' leads.  Wahlberg gives another superb understated deadpan comedic turn (similar to The Other Guys), and Kunis equally gives her character a depth and credibility that most actresses would find hard to match in the material.  As well as the ridiculously high comedy hit-rate, the film gains strength as much from the Kunis-Wahlberg relationship (the audience practically wills them to stay together) as the sincere Wahlberg-Ted friendship.  The introduction of Giovanni Ribisi's rent-a-twitchy-psycho-parent/fan feels more like a plot device than truly convincing, but it does allow for a crowd-pleasing moment involving the son that is almost up there with 'Hulk smash Loki' in The Avengers.  Macfarlane's direction never falters in confidence or execution, the straight tone allows for his trademark outrageous/offensive/brutally-honest moments to come out of nowhere, there are some surprising cameos, Walter Murphy's old-school music score is absolutely glorious, and a personal highlight of a recreation of a spoof dance scene from an 80s comedy classic was an utter joy.   Ted is a daft, silly, ridiculous movie that is executed so terrifically by all concerned that it may well turn out to be the most entertaining comedy movie of this year.