VOD: Valley Of The Dead (a.k.a. Malnazidos) (dir: Javier Ruiz Caldera, 2022)

"...when Jesus rose on the third day, he didn't start eating people!"

With its release delayed owing to the pandemic, this rather routine Spanish wartime zombie flick sees our cocky anti-hero and his weak side-kick reprieved from military execution to undertake a dangerous delivery mission.  With the Spanish Civil War providing a different setting for what is a fairly standard zombie film, it provides an effective backdrop and mechanism for a band of opposing/different survivors to have to work together, allowing brief ruminations on war and religion to be randomly thrown into the mix.  The film tries hard to hit the right blend of comedy and horror but does not quite manage it, resulting in a lot of obvious melodrama and crass humour that falls flat, standard neck-chewing and head-kill-shots aplenty and an oddly out-of-place contemporary-sounding score.  Valley Of the Dead is basic and efficient (with a couple of successful jump scares) but predictable, right down to the unnecessary sequel-baiting mid-credits shot.
 

VOD: Bob's Burgers - The Movie (dirs: Lauren Bouchard and Bernard Derriman, 2022)

"Aren't you supposed to be in that place...with the books...and adults that tell you to do stuff..."

"The adult bookstore?"

Bob's Burgers may not have been the most obvious animated TV property to spawn  a big screen adventure (come on, Family Guy!), but here it does so by keeping it relatively small-scale and staying largely true to the quirky downbeat parent show. The movie finds the family business under threat (again) from the bank and the appearance of a huge sinkhole right in front of the restaurant's entrance, which leads to a murder-mystery plotline that extends it beyond TV-length but which makes the middle section of the film drag noticeably.  The relentlessly rapid-fire dialogue and screechy delivery that is just about tolerable for a TV episode does stretch the patience over movie length, as does its overwritten lack of momentum, but where it scores are in the moments of smaller family interactions that would work just as well in a regular episode.  
 

VOD: Persuasion (dir: Carrie Cracknell, 2022)

"I'm never quite sure whether you're insulting me or not, but I value your regard so little that I don't mind either way!"

With its internal voice-overs and Fleabag-styled fourth-wall breaking (which surprisingly works in context but is way overused here), this self-conscious adaptation of the Jane Austen favourite tries to be the best of both worlds, and does not quite pull it off.  The film sticks resolutely to typical period settings but with a modern sensibility and inflections, including Downton Abbey stylings and Bridgerton-style colour-blind casting.  Dialogue flits between period and modern inflections, the relentlessly whimsical score becomes irritating, and by the time the film reaches a concluding anachronistic wispy-voiced emo-ballad all hope is lost.   In spite of these tensions, Dakota Johnson and Cosmo Jarvis are watchable as Anne and Wentworth, with Mia McKenna-Bruce good fun as the self-absorbed Mary Musgrove and Nikki Amuka-Bird excellent as the imperious Lady Russell.  The film does manage to nail a breezy lightness of tone which make it a moderately enjoyable if insubstantial and uneven confection to watch. 
 

VOD: The Gray Man (dirs: Anthony and Joe Russo, 2022)

"Where are you?"

"Emotionally?"

A criminal (Ryan Gosling) gets released from jail to become an expendable CIA assassin, but he gains vital intelligence about internal corruption when sent to kill another agent, and thus becomes target himself with a huge bounty attached, in the sights of another crack/unbalanced operative (Chris Evans) in Netflix's most expensive film to date.  Visuals are huge, expansive, expensive-looking and frantically busy with a glossy globe-trotting sheen, but the film is saddled with relentlessly vapid dialogue delivered mostly in a dully disinterested manner that consistently fails to engage the viewer (rather like Netflix's 2021 blockbuster Red Notice).  There are some ambitious and costly-looking set pieces, such as a fight on a mid-air disintegrating transport plane and an obligatory but well-mounted car/tram chase, which occasionally lift the film.  Gosling makes for an efficient if slightly dour action hero, and Evans does his quirky psychopathic routine with relish, but the script too often resorts to spelling out everything in big capital letters, and surprisingly little actually happens in over two hours.  The film clearly aches to be a Bond or Bourne or John Wick but does not come close.
 

VOD: Belfast (dir: Kenneth Branagh, 2022)

 "Well, your granny says you can never have too much God.  You might need him before too long."

Opening briefly in colour in a sunny modern-day Belfast, Belfast quickly and cleverly transitions into black-and-white 1969 and a seemingly idyllic representation of a community childhood, which is soon shattered by rioting, division and barricades.  Belfast is a challenging piece of commercial film-making that deals with tough themes from the outset - and that is just the first five minutes.  The film tells the tale of one family living through the troubles, with three generations and their interactions portrayed wonderfully throughout, the adult world filtered beautifully through the perspective of young Buddy (played delightfully by Jude Hill), whose escape into TV, movies and fantasy is juxtaposed to great effect with the escalating violence and strict religion as a running thread.  The film boasts what is easily one of Jamie Dornan's best performances as the put-upon young father, with excellent work from Caitriona Balfe as the mother and Judi Dench and Ciaran Hinds on fine form as the grandparents.  In amongst the film's dark and powerful moments, a feelgood soundtrack and the triumph of the human spirit, love and family at every turn make Belfast a hugely accomplished, entertaining and impressive movie. 

VOD: Morbius (dir: Daniel Espinosa, 2022)

"So, what hunts at night...drinks blood...?"

The opening of Morbius works quite well in establishing a good background story and friendship between two sickly children that endures into adulthood, with scientist Jared Leto and wealthy Matt Smith seeking a cure.  The wheels come off pretty quickly once vampire-Morbius arrives on the scene in a whirl of dodgy CGI and a curious lack of menace.  Indeed, the film feels over after the first half-hour but trudges on regardless.  Morbius is an uncomfortable mix of deadly seriousness and limp dialogue, and quite evidently the film needed to choose which direction to take, as it veers between serious melodrama and high camp - sometimes in the same scene.  Leto tries to make the character feel sympathetic to the audience by deploying his trademark sensitivity but he fails to nail a sense of threat, and Matt Smith's character would have been far better served with a consistently truly malevolent performance of which the actor is perfectly capable, rather than the louche silliness sometimes on display here, and all the other characters barely register.  Two mid-credits sequences set up an unsurprising sequel, which would need to be far stronger than this simplistic 'good vs. evil with a mild love interest' story that largely fails to engage here.
 

VOD: Dangerous Liaisons (a.k.a. Les Liaisons Dangereuses) (dir: Rachel Suissa, 2022)

"Every game has its limits."

The oft-adapted Les Liaisons Dangereuses is here re-imagined for today's older-teen generation in this French Netflix movie.  The action is transplanted to beautiful scenic coastal Biarritz, where not only are wealth and status vital societal markers but also - inevitably -  social media status, hence the setting and actors are impossibly attractive.  What surprises is how closely elements of the original storyline are recognisable, even if this contemporary context makes it ring less convincingly than 1999's Cruel Intentions.  Here, the local social media -and fantastically wealthy - power couple (a rich-bitch child film star and a floppy-haired surfer-rapper) manipulate the feelings of a newly-transplanted Parisian intellectual newbie and her awkward less-attractive local cousin. In spite of the low-wattage performances (and a dreadful comedic teacher figure), the power plays are used quite effectively, even if the film looks great but plays like a rather long and trying episode of The O.C.
 

VOD: Love & Gelato (dir: Brandon Camp, 2022)

"Who am I when I'm by myself?"

Based on a hit YA novel, the film opens with a pleasant if plain American student losing her mother but still going on their pre-planned post-graduation trip to Italy  solo, finding romance with a handsome rich boy and a regular-guy aspiring chef in this sunny and fluffy Netflix rom-com.  With undue haste we are taken on a whirlwind tourist trip around Rome (and later Florence for added value) and the two potential love interests are introduced before - in true Mamma Mia! style - she is given her mother's diary and starts looking for her estranged father.  With its wistful score, gorgeously-shot locations and pleasant cast, the film is an easy watch and is an inoffensive and entertaining enough example of the genre, even if you can write it yourself as it goes along.    .  
 

VOD: Interceptor (dir: Matthew Reilly, 2022)

"Did you just stab that guy in the eye with your gun?"

Interceptor is an Australian military action-thriller movie that turns out be an hilariously full-throttle affair that takes itself so seriously that is frequently borders on genre parody with its thunderous score, daft one-liners and cheap-looking aesthetic.  Set in a top secret ICBM interceptor base in the middle of the ocean under attack from terrorists who have taken control of America's inter-continental missiles and threatening to turn them on key USA cities, this is mostly a bottle show in a control room and corridor, but it does open up the field of action in the final act.  Elsa Pataky is clearly committed and suitably kick-ass as America's last defender (with added toxic military masculinity issues to give the character some depth), Luke Bracey makes for a reasonably effective cool villain of the piece, and executive producer Chris Hemsworth (Pataky's real husband) makes a lame comedy cameo (see also a brief mid-end-credits clip).  With a couple of inventive kills to liven up proceedings, the mixture of overblown pompousness and sheer silliness make Interceptor perfect Friday-night post-pub fare.

VOD: Blasted (dir: Martin Sofiedal, 2022)

"You think you're going to run around like John Wick?"

This Norwegian sci-fi/comedy finds a remote community facing alien takeover/infiltration, with a visiting city-boy bachelor party finding themselves fighting for their own survival and that of humanity as well.   The film's tone and style is very reminiscent of the Cornetto trilogy (especially The World's End in the third act) and early Peter Jackson, but the comedy is very broad and many sequences feel quite routine in delivery.  Well-made, silly and childish by turns,  the cast nevertheless tries hard to inject life into the film at every opportunity, a couple of comedy moments land really well, and the lead pair of estranged former-teenage laser-tag champions are quite likeable, but overall the material and the comedy feel a bit stretched over the near-two-hour running time.
 

VOD: Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness (dir: Sam Raimi, 2022)

"This time it's going to take more than killing me to kill me!"

This sequel leads on from the Spider-man: No Way Home multiverse-incursions and TV's WandaVision, as the consequences of both central situations come together in a well-considered manner.  Marvel's savvy casting of a quality actor in Benedict Cumberbatch as one of the Phase Three/Four mainstays pays off yet again, not only because he is called upon to play multiple dimension-hopping versions of the character but also as he anchors the magical side of the MCU with appropriate credibility and is always engaging.  There is again capable support from Benedict Wong, the introduction of portal-controlling America Chavez works well (played effectively here by Xochitl Gomez), and Elizabeth Olsen brings her full game to present a formidable threat.  Whilst this is not the full-tilt MCU horror film that original director Scott Derrickson might have envisaged, this is still one of the darker MCU films, with Sam Raimi's interesting visual flourishes and horror-inflected moments working well and the inevitable hilarious Bruce Campbell Evil Dead II throwback cameo.  The film falls somewhere between being a visually-extraordinary feast and CGI overload, but the central story is engaging and it is sold well by the strong cast.  Marvel's recent film and TV output has done a good job of establishing its next-generation female characters (Chavez, Ms Marvel, Kate Bishop, Yelena Belova) - can it do the same for young male characters in its universe of mostly adult male lead protagonists?

VOD: The Craft - Legacy (dir: Zoe Lister-Jones, 2020)

"You know I can't control myself."

Blumhouse's cheap-but-not-so-cheerful update of the lower-league horror hit turns out to be an underpowered re-imagining of the less-than-significant original.  This unsubtle update inevitably plays up the girl power/puberty angle in a very generic teen movie manner with a less interesting and more irritating central cast this time around.  The film does its best to balance issues of female empowerment and notions of masculinity, and one particular scene that addresses sexuality stands out in its sincere playing, but overall this film's simplistic skewing to a young teen (girl) audience reduces the impact of its weightier ambitions.  It all leads to a rather underwhelming final showdown that concludes this unnecessary and rather uninteresting revival. 
 

VOD: Vicious Fun (dir: Cody Calahan, 2020)

"It's modern horror for modern times!"

Living up to its title, Vicious Fun is unapologetic in its delivery of swift bouts of violence and a gleeful self-awareness and understanding of its genre.  The movie has a terrific high concept at its heart, which finds a self-deluded horror-mag reviewer drunkenly coming across a self-help group for a mis-matched bunch of serial killers and is mistakenly taken as one of their own, only to be uncovered and a murderous battle for survival ensues.  This is very much a film targeting fans of classic slashers and low-budget horrors: the retro-synth score is on point, conventional locations (such as the police station and the hospital) play host to some lively and inventive kills, and there is great fun to be had watching the serial killers battle each other.  Performances are generally solid and committed, but the film occasionally loses energy after a great first act with some unnecessarily laboured sequences.    Overall, Vicious Fun offers a neat idea which is delivered reasonably well and which would clearly play well on the horror festival circuit.
 

VOD: The Seed (dir: Sam Walker, 2022)

"This is not what our weekend was supposed to be like!"

In this sci-fi/comedy/horror hybrid, three on-trend attractive young female friends go to a remote desert holiday home to view a once-in-a-lifetime meteor shower at which a mysterious object lands in their pool, their phones die...and The Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers takes over the plot.  It is very much a case of stereotypes ahoy - the dumb one, the vain social-media-obsessed one and the responsible brighter-but-dull one - and there is no prize for guessing which will be Final Girl, but their sassy sparky friendship is played out easily, and for all its silliness both the comedic and horror aspects now and again work reasonably well within the film's limits.  This is very much a bottle show that is mostly limited to the house and its surroundings, but the claustrophobic element works in its favour as the alien infiltration progresses.  The film's notorious (brief) alien/human sex scenes play like a cross between Society and Species, and the story reaches ambitiously towards the end with appropriate levels of body horror and squelchy effects all leading to a nice parting shot.  The Seed is an example of low-budget/low-key movie that is not meant to change the world but is made with enthusiasm and affection for the genre and works reasonably well on its own terms.
 

VOD: The Batman (dir: Matt Reeves, 2022)

 "We'll give them a real, real change now..."

Following the (for many) definitive Nolan trilogy and the more recent divisive Batman v. Superman/Justice League mash-ups, Matt Reeves offers a bold and impressive re-vision of the Batman concept in terms of modern blockbuster film-making.  The opening Halloween setting and the Blade Runner/noir-inflected visuals and voiceover make this a gritty and stylish take on the Batman story, as the titular character emerges from the shadows and takes out a whole gang in a muscular and unforgiving manner.  Placing Batman within the police-procedural set-up of the initiating murder of the mayor gives the character a solid basis which is carried throughout the film.  It is relentlessly dark and bleak; all the characters are haunted, with Robert Pattinson making a driven and compelling protagonist, Andy Serkis a terrific Alfred and Paul Dano is utterly terrifying with his unhinged and malicious take on The Riddler, with Zoe Kravitz giving a strong take on the Catwoman character as the only significant female character in the movie.  Once again, Michael Giacchino delivers a gloriously portentous and atmospheric soundtrack, and the writing is strong with unusually effective dialogue for the genre that does not rely on one-liners.  For its near three-hours running time, the film does not feel long as there is plenty of developing story that gives the film momentum, and Reeves creates a very immersive and artfully-crafted world that all gives rise to an impressive mainstream achievement.  One cannot help but wonder, though: whilst a return to the 1960s/Adam West or Joel Schumacher style would perhaps be inadvisable, and Batman is hardly the cheeriest of characters, is there room for a slightly more upbeat and lighter-toned take on the character?