VOD: Rebel Moon Part Two - The Scargiver (dir: Zack Snyder, 2024)

"I don't think I want to die at all.  But if I must..."

Opening with a voice-over recap of the first film, read by Anthony Hopkins like a shopping list of silly fantasy names, and a standard sci-fi resurrection of Ed Skrein's Admirable Noble, this is very much a Part Two that is - to some extent - an improvement on its predecessor.  To say that this film is a game of two halves is an understatement, as the first fifty-minutes are utterly skippable, unless you have a penchant for slow-motion farming and drearily-told unnecessary back stories for each of Kora's ragtag band of fighters assembled in the first movie.  However, once the baddies come to collect the harvest and the battle begins, The Scargiver picks up enormously and morphs into a terrific, relentless sci-fi actioner with genuine stakes, lives lost and a surprisingly grounded visual aesthetic that works very well indeed.  Whilst the 'one village takes a stand against the Motherworld ' story is worthy, its silly improbability and thinness of actual plot and concept makes the whole enterprise feel rather lightweight.  Nevertheless, if you like huge-scale, noisy sci-fi action then the second half is very strong indeed, and the threat of a hitherto-unmentioned Part Three set up right at the end would hopefully take it beyond the village confines.

 

VOD: Anyone But You (dir: Will Gluck, 2023)

"I feel you can't leave me alone."
"Same reason I slow down at a car crash."

This surprisingly popular American grown-up rom-com hits familiar tropes from the start in an unexpected coffee shop encounter between Bea and Ben - complete with splashing bathroom sink tap that soaks her jeans - and after a perfect night together, an unfortunate overheard conversation the next morning brings the budding relationship crashing down.  Six months later, a frosty chance run-in is followed by a trip to Australia for a friend/family wedding that forces them together into endless snarky dialogue and unlikely comedic situations, as they decide to pretend to be an item to keep everyone happy and off their backs.  It is all very polished, shiny and sunny, peddling the typical fabulously wealthy and good-looking rom-com fantasy lifestyle, but Anyone But You is generally quite well-written and performed effectively - as the lead couple, Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell absolutely give it all they've got - and there is a level of self-awareness that makes the film one of the more bearable and entertaining modern examples of the genre.   
 

VOD: Cobweb (dir: Samuel Bodin, 2023)

"Not everything is a s sweet as it seems."

Staring off one week before Halloween, young bullied loner Peter starts to hear noises in the walls of his bedroom.  Dismissed by his scared mother (an uneven Lizzy Caplan) and scary father (Anthony Starr bringing some of The Boys' Homelander menace) but supported by his naive substitute teacher, Peter starts to hear the voice of a girl who (supposedly) went missing one Halloween that moves into something much more sinister.  Familiar Halloween iconography works - the town is even called Holdenfield! - and the music score is mostly effective, but the story is extremely simple and the wheels come flying off around the halfway mark.  As the unconvincing story reveal descends into an oddly-placed home-invasion scenario and a dimly-lit runaround ending, little lasting impression is left.
 

VOD: The Tearsmith a.k.a. Fabbricante Di Lacrime (dir: Alessandro Genovesi, 2024)

"Are you just gonna stare at me?"

Adapted from a YA novel, Italian Netflix gives us this moody classy-looking crack at the Twilight market in another tale of two chiselled young men obsessing over a rather dull young woman.  Orphaned as a child, Nica eventually gets adopted as a teenager from a bleak orphanage together with distant, handsome brooding piano-playing Rigel, the object of her unrequited feelings who harbours his own dark desires.  Add in pretty blond Lionel, the new schoolmate who vies for Nica's affections, and the classic YA love triangle is set in motion.  Muddled fairy-tale motifs drift in and out, the characters have a propensity for talking in annoying metaphor-loaded one-liners, and after an hour of creepy scenes of sexual tension you will snigger at the father's classic unintentionally funny line at the barbecue.  It is somewhat glum and overwrought to the point of absurd hilarity at times, but no doubt its young target audience will take the story and its characters to their hearts fervently. 
 

VOD: The Boys In The Boat (dir: George Clooney, 2023)

"We need an edge, Tom."

Back to The Great Depression in Seattle, when an impoverished engineering student Joe Rantz (a solid and amiable Callum Turner) joins the rowing team to earn money and lodgings, who find themselves qualifying for the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin.  Bearing some of the hallmarks of Clooney's other directorial efforts - considered, emotionally restrained, earnest to the point of a little drab - it conveys some of the hardship of the era appropriately, but basically it is a handsomely-mounted, glossy, by-the-numbers basic sports genre movie, from forming the team to training montages to major-event underdog status with the usual trials and tribulations along the way and little to surprise at all.
 

VOD: Wish (dirs: Chris Buck and Fawn Veerasunthorn, 2024)

"Never, ever, get your hopes up."

Disney's 100-years anniversary animated feature tries to capture the essence of the brand with a story about the power of dreams and wishes, which here can literally come true through a wish ceremony, but when young Asha rebels against the selective system and wishes on a star, she has to become a fugitive and try to save the kingdom from its increasingly-evil ruler.  The animation style has an interesting storybook-illustration quality, the frequent musical numbers are forgettably bland and upbeat, and the film follows the modern Disney template of relegating the male characters to egotistical idiots and minor supporting enablers.  With its feisty female protagonist, talking animals sidekicks and soaring Broadway-style numbers at the expense of plot development, Wish feels like a Disney greatest-hits compilation that is very familiar, unremarkable and not a classic.  The sweet little end-credits scene is a nice appropriate touch.

 

VOD: How To Date Billy Walsh (dir: Alex Pillai, 2024)

"Oh, f**k off, universe!"

This MGM/Amazon Original tries to make a full-on British teen rom-com version of Sex Education with very underwhelming results.  Here, Archie has been in love with his best friend Milly for years but cannot tell her, and in their final term at private school finds a rival for her affections in newly-arrived handsome stereotype American student Billy.  The tired tropes are relentless, from Archie's fourth-wall breaking to the camp gay kid to childish on-screen graphics and its unlikeable protagonist, all leading to the usual improbable end-of-year prom.  Unlike their Elite counterparts, for example, these characters do not seem to inhabit their privilege and merely come across as smug and irritating.  The sweary script occasionally raises a smile, and whilst the film might appeal to its very young and undiscerning female teen audience, this is a very silly and annoying film to sit through otherwise.