FILM Men In Black 3 in 3D

"Make love, not war!"
"I prefer to do both."

Sufficient time has passed to (almost) leave MIB2 behind in the dumpster of misguided sequels, but if script is king for movies, this belated third entry is sorely lacking in that crucial department.  For the most part, MIB3 is dour and increasingly tedious, clearly lacking the sense of exuberance and downright fun that made the original film so enjoyable and successful.  Apart from those shortcomings, as a blockbuster there is nothing disastrous about it - Smith is fine in the return to what he does best, the addition of Josh Brolin's wonderful performance as the younger Agent K is a bonus, and even the time-travel element of the troubled third act is resolved acceptably and in a way that gives the agents a sweet and unexpected backstory - but there is little here that is either engaging or truly memorable, which is very disappointing.

FILM: What To Expect When You're Expecting (dir: Kirk Jones, 2012)

"What are you watching?"
"Celebrity Dance Factor."
"No."

The latest addition to the mini-sub-genre of female-targeted ensemble comedy-dramas is perhaps the most watchable of the bunch, but it is still utterly predictable, lightweight and ridiculous.  Unlike the ridiculous New Year's Eve, the tenuous relationships and links between the five main narrative-strand couples are less forced but remain unlikely.  The reverse sexism employed is cynical and mildly offensive: the male characters are buff, stupid, totally whipped or any combination of the three, whilst the women are all saints for having to cope with their child-men (except, of course, for the stupid-comedy-relief-large-woman just like in Bridesmaids, who unsurprisingly played the same kind of role in, er, Bridesmaids). The standout performance comes from the wonderful Anna Kendrick, providing yet another thoughtful and precise character reading, and J-Lo dials it down a couple of notches to remind everyone that she is a good actress.  Whilst written by women, starring women and made for women, Hollywood gave the director's chair to a man, and Jones thankfully keeps proceedings away from their potentially shriek-filled level.  Aside from a truly distasteful juxtaposition of Christmas with a miscarriage (and yes, they even drive  to the hospital in the snow and return in the rain/metaphorical tears), the pace snaps between the different strands at a fair trot and the film gets more amusing in the later stages, but ladies, you deserve better.

FILM: The Raid (dir: Gareth Evans, 2012)

"Why us?  Why today?"
"Why the f**k not?"
"It's a valid question."

The Raid is exactly what a pure action film should be: lean, simple, furious and thrilling.  With minimal set up at the start, the tone is established quickly, with extraordinary, frantic and precise action set pieces that are astoundingly brutal - this is not a film for the faint of heart.  Gareth Evans directs with terrific confidence, control and economy throughout, excellent sound design is a huge bonus, and Iko Uwais - clearly an Asian action star in the making - proves to be a mesmerisingly watchable martial arts practitioner and a human centre amidst the carnage.  The low-budget, on-location set-ups add an air of authenticity, whilst the big action scenes provide real adrenaline-rush violence, from Uwais taking out two corridors full of thugs single-handedly to an incredibly prolonged two-on-one bout towards the end, not forgetting one insane villains-vs-police face-off in two rooms one above the other.  It is a familiar genre piece (touchstones seem to include Die Hard, La Horde and the A Better Tomorrow series) and narrative 'surprises' are anything but, yet its straightforward no-frills dynamism is very refreshing.  It was unlikely that a subtitled low-budget Indonesian actioner directed by a Welshman would cause such a global stir, but its reputation is fully justified and The Raid is easily one of the best Asian action films seen in a long time.  This is the version to see in the cinema - do not wait for the inevitably watered-down, smoothed-out American remake.

FILM: The Dictator (dir: Larry Charles, 2012)

"Indulge me.  Let's pretend just for one minute that I am a complete idiot."
"OK.  I'm there."

The Dictator lacks the warmth and pathos of Borat but is more likable than Bruno, and whilst there are quite a few tumbleweed moments, the film is generally entertaining.  Taking on a more standard traditional broad comedy movie format than the previous two films, here the jokes are mostly smaller and less situational, relying mostly on quick verbal and visual gags that make The Dictator fly past.  Baron Cohen is reliable but it does feel like we have been here before, Anna Faris amps up the comedy volume as far as she possibly can, and Sir Ben Kingsley's presence is inexplicable.  Some of the humour is of questionable taste, which is precisely why Baron Cohen's films are so popular, yet there is some genuinely effective and well-aimed satire of Middle-Eastern despots and - in a remarkably barbed finale - American values.  Whilst The Dictator is passable entertainment, it has to be asked: how many more 'comedy foreigners' can Sacha Baron Cohen get away with?

FILM: Dark Shadows (dir: Tim Burton, 2012)

"This is a very silly play."

Thankfully, Tim Burton's movie take on the cult USA TV soap is not the non-stop parody suggested by the most recent bizarre trailer.  Burton and his terrific cast (Michelle Pfeiffer is majestic, Eva Green and Chloe Moretz are fun, and Depp gives one of his best performances of late) absolutely capture the cheaply theatrical Gothic melodrama of the television version. As a result, though, the very deliberate pacing and delivery, which is more suited to the small screen, means that the film rarely gains momentum, and the flashes of genuine humour seem oddly out of place with the overall tone.  The stand-alone story is well-crafted, set design is magnificent, a superior Danny Elfman score works very well, and the finale offers spectacle and scale.  Whilst there is much to admire in Dark Shadows, it is more of a curiosity than truly endearing.

FILM: Piranha 3DD (dir: John Gulager, 2012)

"Hey, shall we take off all our clothes and go swimming?"

There was a mild flurry of outrage across the internet when it was suggested that this sequel to 2010's guilty pleasure would bypass cinemas, but it turns out that Piranha 3DD is - disappointingly - barely a cut above standard direct-to-DVD fodder.  This is a very low-rent Jaws III with (a few) added breasts and equally weak cartoony 3D, set in a very small 'adult' water-theme park and saddled with an extremely lacklustre script.  There is nothing here to match the excellently-executed big set-piece of the first movie, and even the smaller action/gore moments are generally brief and lack impact. The original also had the cheese factor knowingly and relatively smartly ladled on, whereas this film often wants to take itself seriously and falls short.  When it really tries, however, it does hit the mark - the franchise's 'detached penis' gag works well here, and one bathtub scene manages to reference three genre favourites.  Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames make brief and immensely welcome re-appearances, but the wheels almost come off as The Hoff takes centre stage in the latter part of the film, in spite of some barbed lines at the expense of his 'celebrity' status.  The best is saved to last, as the cruel closing joke genuinely pays off,  but overall 3DD is nowhere near as much fun to sit through as its predecessor.

FILM: American Pie: Reunion (dirs: Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, 2012)

"When are you gonna realise things will never be like they used to be?"

A reunion of what feels like almost the entire original American Pie cast was an appealing idea, but the film does not wholly deliver on its promise.  Inevitably, the film revels in the re-introduction moments - even going into Jim's old (unchanged) bedroom again raises a smile - but it is mostly new riffs on old and familiar material, and a lot of characters and plot ideas remain underdeveloped.  Jason Biggs proves an amiable and reassuring lead as always, and indeed the whole reunited cast are proficient, but the rather flat script provides little to make the characters truly engage again, the exceptions being (perhaps inevitably) Jim's dad and Stifler's mum who steal the whole show in their short screen time.  There are occasional flashes of fun, and the hints of the-movie-that-could-have-been when the 'old' generation is pitted against the new teenagers show promise.  It is good to see these likable characters on screen again, but the rather smug ' see you at the next sequel' ending will only be welcome if the characters actually have more to do.  Make sure you stay in your seats for the funniest scene in the whole film, which appears a short way into the end credits. 

FILM: Safe (dir: Boaz Yakin, 2012)

"If you weren't such a double-dealing a**hole, I could almost like you."

The unlikely pairing of down-at-heel cage fighter/ex-cop Statham with a young Chinese girl  with a prodigious mathematical ability (delightfully played by Catherine Chan) is curiously effective in this lean, dynamic action-thriller.  The movie pits various factions against each other (Chinese and Russian criminal gangs, corrupt New York cops, an equally corrupt mayor), as the two lead characters' narratives collide and Statham becomes the girl's protector.  The violence is swift and merciless, reminiscent of early John Woo movies, and although the early action set-pieces seem a little underwhelming, the second half of the movie improves considerably in this respect.  Luke Wright seems like the kind of character that Statham plays all too easily, but in Safe the writing and back-story gives the actor the chance to develop some depth of emotion in the portrayal of a man who is literally down-and-out.  The ending feels a bit rushed and motivations become murky and forced, but the economy of on-screen narrative and the overall drive of the movie more than compensate to provide an enjoyable genre movie.