FILM: John Carter IMAX 3D (dir: Andrew Stanton, 2012)

"I have a conscience."
"I thought you had it removed, along with your -"

John Carter is an ENORMOUS, daft sci-fi/fantasy epic.  The scale is huge, with fantastic location work melded with incredibly detailed CGI to create a truly cinematic experience, and the alien creatures' integration into live action is seamless and impressive.  The silly story's pulpy roots are all too obvious throughout, and the tale's influence on so many 20th Century genre films is at times all to obvious - in particular, George Lucas, stand up - but Andrew Stanton marshals the different strands effectively and his film trots along at quite a pace (with a few grating speed bumps along the way). Taylor Kitsch makes an understated and watchable hero, Lilly Collins treads a fine line between helplessness and vivacity as the Princess, whilst bad-guy gravitas is played by reliables like Mark Strong and Dominic West.  The film feels long but interest does not stray, and it is worth sticking with for the utterly demented everything-but-the-kitchen-sink finale.  Ultimately, John Carter needs to be seen on the biggest screen possible - the sheer scale and detail will be completely lost on home viewing - and whilst entertaining, it is hard to see it breaking out beyond fans of the genre.

FILM: Bel Ami (dirs: Declan Donnellan and Nick Ormerod, 2012)

"You are trying to seduce me!  In a church!"

Finally released, Bel Ami is a curiously uneven film in many respects.  Robert Pattinson stars as the talentless down-at-heel ex-soldier who claws his way up Parisian society at the end of the nineteenth century through a succession of women, and he does very good work in a number of scenes, but at times he clearly falls short in actually conveying the emotion required on-screen.  The three female leads are superbly cast, with Uma Thurman (saucy fun), Christina Ricci and Kristin Scott Thomas all giving exquisitely precise performances, although the latter two are criminally underused overall.  The narrative goes astray in the final act, but it is just about saved by a very wry and nicely-played final scene.  Whilst there is a lot to admire, it is a shame that the film feels somewhat pale when there is such a strong cast and real potential to explore the moral and sexual outrages hinted at.

FILM: The Raven (dir: James McTeigue, 2012)

"Quoth the raven -"
"- P**S OFF!"

Tracking the 'missing' last days of Edgar Allan Poe by embroiling him in a serial-killer spree inspired by his own stories is a neat idea, and there is clearly a lot of love for Poe on display here.  The laboured structure and heavy-handed dialogue are leavened by some good period detail and nice cinematography, but the selling point - the Poe-inspired killings - are disappointingly muted, save for the show-stopping bisection of The Pit And The Pendulum, which has plenty of digital splatter on display.  With sound work from Luke Evans as the Inspector and an unpredictably wayward performance of Poe by John Cusack, The Raven rapidly becomes a fairly turgid police procedural that is well-made but not too engaging.

FILM: Project X (dir: Nima Nourizadeh, 2012)

"What you did is really not cool."

Project X is a very perplexing film.  Taking the modern news staple of the social network-fuelled teenage party that spirals completely out of control, this movie plays like a particularly weak episode of Skins - with self-conscious performances and a lack of narrative credibility - and the found-footage conceit is undermined and all but abandoned at various points.  It is very non-PC and at times utterly reprehensible, especially in the closing scenes' messages, yet there are some genuine (guilty) laughs to be had along the way - some of the best humour is incidental, such as those involving the family dog, the junior security guards and the 'oven' incident.  However, moments of outrageous humour do not make up for the film's overall lack of cohesion, but it will no doubt play well to its target age group.

FILM: Wanderlust (dir: David Wain, 2012)

"Are you pooping?"

The rather predictable set-up of Wanderlust has a (rather mature) New York couple swapping their unfulfilling aspirational city lifestyle for a stereotypical commune, making for pleasant if unremarkable viewing.  Aniston and Rudd are both complete comedy professionals, and their playing of the comedy and their relationship is always worth watching, and their are some nice broad humorous performances by the supporting players, especially Rudd's obnoxious brother and his family.  This is a minor entry from the Apatow stable, which is nevertheless a palatable and reasonably amusing comedy.  Look out for the brief but genuinely funny gag reel in the closing credits.

FILM: This Means War (dir: McG, 2012)

"You have the emotional intelligence of a fifteen-year-old boy."

This is a pure popcorn movie confection that bears no relation to anything in the real world whatsoever.  The secret agent trappings are given a glossy look by McG, but there is a surprising lack of action (and what there is seems messily executed on-screen), leaving huge swathes of incredibly poor dialogue to make up most of the film.  It is therefore to the credit of the three leads that they make the film reasonably watchable: Witherspoon sparkles, Pine's usual laconicism plays well, and Hardy displays genuine warmth and surprisingly good comic timing.  It all grinds along towards a rather pat ending, and whilst harmless enough, This Means War leaves little real lasting impression

FILM: Safe House (dir: Daniel Espinosa, 2012)

"Do I make you nervous?"
"Always."
"Good."

Safe House is a solid mix of old-school spy thriller and Bourne stylings, which for the most part entertains.  Denzel Washington is on strong form as the ice-cool rogue CIA agent who is thrown together with the relatively inexperienced safe-house-keeper Ryan Reynolds, who gives one of his most focused and sincere performances here.  Occasional dumb moments and a midway lull aside, with some very effective action sequences along the way,  Safe House is a well-mounted and good-looking affair.