FILM: Gladiator II (dir: Ridley Scott, 2024)

"You have something."
 

The seemingly-indefatigable Ridley Scott delivers his belated sequel that offers real blockbuster spectacle and goes bigger and bolder than its 2000 original,  from its extraordinary epic opening battle to the final showdown.  It has a fairly simple story that is told cleanly and clearly, with its beefed-up family ties and Roman politics paying off well in the final act.  The topline actors - Paul Mescal, Denzel Washington, Pedro Pascal and a returning Connie Nielsen - are all excellent here, with Mescal proving to be very capable of carrying the lead role both emotionally and physically, with many strong supporting performances to enjoy also.  If anything, the only real issue is that this sequel relies a little too heavily on the first film in its visuals and story arcs, but this familiarity certainly does not detract from what is a hefty and very entertaining cinematic experience.

VOD: Red One (dir: Jake Kasdan, 2024)

"I love the kids.  It's the grown-ups that are killing me!"

Not quite as terrible as its brief theatrical run critical reception would suggest, Santa Claus is kidnapped and his about-to-retire Head Of Security (Dwayne Johnson) teams up with a notorious lone-wolf bounty hunter (Chris Evens) to get him back by Christmas Eve in Amazon's preposterously big-budget attempt to make a family-friendly festive action-thriller that does not quite hit the mark.  Oddly, the casting and pairing of Johnson and Evans works well, with Evans playing the 'innocent abroad' role well and Johnson playing the straight man effectively enough.  The AntMan-esque size shenanigans are well executed, but there is a lot of over-scaled, hollow and empty CGI bloat on display and often the talky earnest dramatic scenes bring the pace down to an absolute crawl, as does a lengthy Krampus mid-section detour.  The heavyweight lead cast - also including Lucy Liu and J.K. Simmons as a weights-crunching Santa - play it straight and serious and are as reliable as would be expected, but overall the film falls awkwardly between comedy/pastiche and genuine action/drama and makes perhaps the fatal error of erasing the magic and charm of Christmas for a somewhat dour and almost militaristic take on the mythology.
 

VOD: Subservience (dir: S.K. Daley, 2024)

"We're all mad here."

In a near-future where synths, sorry, sparks are part of the everyday workforce, a stressed husband with two young children and a hospitalised wife awaiting a heart transplant acquires the latest model of an AI housekeeper, Alice, who becomes self-aware and overly-attached to the husband with deadly results.  It is an unashamed mash-up of Season 1 of TV's Humans and Megan, with a dash of The Terminator and even Fatal Attraction thrown in for good measure.  Whilst the film looks glossy and is shot nicely, with the eye-candy casting of Megan Fox as Alice and Michele Morrone (365 Days) as the husband, a sequel-baiting ending plus an ever-present nagging feel of over-familiarity, the film is functional but delivers adequately on the premise.
 

VOD: Nutcrackers (dir: David Gordon Green, 2024)

"So funny I forgot to laugh."

This wintry December-set family drama sees city high-flier Mike (Ben Stiller) happily living the single life, until the tragic death of his sister and her husband finds him charged with looking after his four young rambunctious and almost feral recently-orphaned nephews back on their ramshackle farm whilst finding them a new home.  With David Gordon Green directing and Ben Stiller and Linda Cardellini (as the attached social worker) taking the adult leads, it is surprising that none of them make any real impression, as the film grinds along in a slow and somewhat dreary manner, never really doing much beyond its simple premise, and with lethargic scenes of what feels like a lot of dull improvisation, culminating in a family performance of their unique take on The Nutcracker to the townsfolk that barely ignites and unsurprisingly makes Uncle Mike realise that there might be more to life than his career.  Homer Janson has some nice moments as the eldest of the four brothers, but overall the film comes across as a rather flat emotionally.  A snippet of audio dialogue at the very end of the credits rounds off the final event.
 

VOD: The Snow Sister (a.k.a. Snososteren) (dir: Cecilie A. Mosli, 2024)

"You need to see where you're going, not just where you are.  Always where you're going."

This charming, sweet and emotional Nordic Netflix festive drama follows a young boy, Julian, who at Christmas is suffering with the recent death of his older sister and its effect on family and friends, as he encounters a strangely upbeat and chirpy young girl, Hedwig, who helps him to reconnect in the week leading up to Christmas Day.  Every step of the script and on-screen presentation is designed to the limit to tug at the heartstrings, from the cute-children casting to the gorgeously melancholic score and the snowy Norwegian Christmas-sensory-overload moments, all of which make the film work beautifully, filtering the world, feelings and experiences through the eyes of the children.  The two young leads play their characters delightfully, especially Mudip Gupta as Julian giving an exceptional child performance.  Told with a simple and beautiful clarity, the heavyweight theme of (childhood) bereavement is handled with great sensitivity and, ultimately, hope for the future, in what is quite simply a beautiful jewel of a film. 
 

VOD: Harold And The Purple Crayon (dir: Carlos Saldanha, 2024)

"Come! Join me, so that we may rule over this land, man and woman."
"No, thank you."

After an intriguing and delightful animated prologue, Harold and his, er, magic purple crayon go to the Real World in the form of a man-child (Zachary Levi) with his humanised-form animal friends Moose (Lil Rel Howery) and Porcupine (Tanya Reynolds) in order to look for their Old Man narrator who has grown suspiciously quiet of late in their cartoon world.  Crossing paths with widowed mother Terry (Zooey Deschanel doing Zooey Deschanel) and her son Mel (a lovely performance by young Benjamin Bottani), their adventures play more like a kids' film for adults rather than a straight children's film.  The central conceit of using the crayon to create real objects is visualised on-screen very effectively indeed, and the film's handling of death is quite touching, all held together with a solid performance from Zachary Levi in this kind of role as expected.  Overall, Harold And The Purple Crayon is a passable mid-level entry in what has become a crowded genre.
 

VOD: I Saw The TV Glow (dir: Jane Schoenbrun, 2024)

"They can't hurt you if you don't think about them."

A late night low-budget cult TV show, The Pink Opaque, reveals a supernatural world that exists beneath teenage fans' suburban lives in this festival crowdpleaser from A24, as we follow seventh-grade loner Owen through the traumas of his teenage years and beyond.  A downbeat study of emotional repression, the increasing bleeding of the fictional world into Owen's reality and its shattering adult consequences is handled effectively, as are the lo-fi TV-show sequences, but the conceit of the dayglo otherworld is interesting but feels underused and underdeveloped on screen.  This indulgently wispy indie-teen tone poem has a dreamlike quality that captures teen angst and American small-town suburbia in a wistful and reasonably effective manner, with Justice Smith's morosely muted performance almost suited to this role.  It may be a big old metaphor for depression and mental illness with a positive outcome, and the only real mis-step is a music club scene that veers into self-parody with its sung performances, overwrought lyrics and eye-rolling dialogue.  The film never feels as if it delivers fully on its premise, but it is quite interesting nevertheless.
 

VOD: Dear Santa (dir: Bobby Farrelly, 2024)

"What is going on here?  This is insane!"
 

Awkward, dyslexic new-kid-in-town Liam, complete with warring parents, writes his letter to Santa but unfortunately addresses it to Satan, who visits the boy and grants him three wishes in exchange for his soul.  As simple and silly as the high concept suggests, Jack Black plays Santa/Satan with gruff relish and a hefty helping of his usual schtick, and Robert Timothy Smith is quite endearing as the boy, with the pair playing well together on screen.  The film seems at odds with itself, being very predictable (it even has the over-used Bad To The Bone on the soundtrack) but also delivering a couple of unexpectedly heartbreaking moments.  Mild swearing and a silly fart-joke scene aside, the film does not quite seem to know where to pitch itself; if the film had the gleeful bite of a Bad Santa or Gremlins it might have engaged more, but as it skews younger it grinds along in a rather twee and cautious fashion.

VOD: Violent Night (dir: Tommy Wirkola, 2022)

REVIEW No. 1,700!

"Jesus Christ!"
"Nope...just jolly old Saint Nick!"

On Christmas Eve, a dysfunctional wealthy family's mansion becomes the target of a gang of thieves - posing as caterers - who do not bargain on coming up against David Harbour playing an alcoholic, embittered and disillusioned version of Santa in this full-blooded festive action-thriller.  Inevitably, a variety of Christmas decorations and wintry objects are deployed as weapons - you will never look at a Nutcracker in quite the same way again - and the film is quite a peculiar experience as both the Christmas-movie and action elements are played straight and with sincerity, fused without one making any concessions to the other (often in the same scene).  Harbour is inspired casting, playing his usual fine line between serious drama and dour comedy - his scenes with the young girl are charming - and John Leguizamo chews the furniture in the lead panto villain role.  Oddly, the whole concept works better than perhaps it should, even if the overall end result is entertaining but forgettable.
 

VOD: Hot Frosty (dir: Jerry Ciccoritti, 2024)

"Well, I was made of snow, and now I'm made of...not snow!"

With even the title inviting cynicism, and the unashamed fusing of elements of Jack Frost, Edward Scissorhands, Starman, The Snowman and George Of The Jungle (!), if taken in the right mood this is one of the more enjoyable recent festive rom-coms by a long way.  Set in the small town of Hope Springs, a down-at-luck diner owner Kathy (Lacey Chabert) is given a 'lucky' scarf which she puts on a muscular snowman in the town square and he subsequently comes to life in human form (Dustin Milligan); Kathy takes in the naïve and childlike Jack Snowman, and the film follows his relationship with her and his effect on the townspeople.  The film benefits from a very self-aware and affectionate script, with tongue-firmly-in-cheek and a nice balance of festive-movie trappings and sincerity.  Like the film itself, Christmas movie veteran Lacey Chabert (Family Guy's original Meg!) knows exactly how to play the humour and the more emotional moments, and Dustin Milligan is absolutely charming as the child-man-snowman (his reaction when Kathy bites the head off a snowman cookie is priceless!), with the whole cast clearly invested in the tone to good effect.   Putting aside the gender politics - suggesting that all women really want is a gym-honed man-child they can mother - the resulting mix gives rise to a good-humoured and utterly silly festive feel-good romp, with plenty of gags (including some unexpected funny daft jokes) and a surprisingly sincere message about making the most of what we are given and the time that we have. Even the bloopers and silly moments that play alongside the end credits are quite good fun.