FILM: Battleship (dir: Peter Berg, 2012)

"Brace yourself!"

BOOM! Armageddon.  BANG! Independence Day.  CRASH! Predator.  WHOOSH! Transformers.  After a bizarre and funny early gag involving a burrito ("I got tazed!  Those things work!"), Peter Berg injects little of his trademark humour and anarchy into this effective but by-the-numbers blockbuster, in which EVERYTHING blows up and everything - dialogue, character arcs, plotting - holds no surprises whatsoever...and yet it manages to be mesmerisingly entertaining.  Every year, the bar is raised on the scale and quality of visual effects, and in this respect Battleship provides some quite awesome moments.  After a fairly standard opening 45 minutes of set-up all hell breaks loose, but where this film scores over some other blockbusters is that all the pieces are placed effectively and characters and relationships are allowed just about enough time to have an impact later on.  Taylor Kitsch again proves to be a likable big-screen presence, Skarsgard and Neeson fulfil their sketchily-drawn stereotypical roles well, and Brooklyn Decker and Rihanna work well to provide some female presence.  The nods to veterans - both the disabled and the elderly - are welcome and more than token, being integrated positively into the narrative.  The fundamental flaw is that there is no way mankind would stand a chance against these aliens and their machines, so thank goodness the US Navy was there to face the challenge.  Battleship is full-on blockbuster mayhem, best enjoyed with brain left in the car park and the biggest bucket of popcorn you can handle.

FILM: The Cold Light Of Day (dir: Mabrouk El Mechri, 2012)

"Don't treat me like an idiot!"

Spain and its capital city provide an unusual and attractive backdrop to this enthusiastically daft action-thriller.  The story is very light on credibility, but there is some good camerawork on display and the action is generally well-choreographed.  Sigourney Weaver plays the ice-cool agent well, but Henry Cavill shows that he can carry a film effectively, and it is good to see him in a contemporary role that bodes well for his forthcoming Superman role.  His character does an awful lot of running in this film, and he is definitely a leading contender for this year's Convenient Speedy Recovery From A Gunshot Wound award.  Whilst some of the narrative leaps are very hard to take, The Cold Light Of Day proves to be a straightforward, well-made and mildly diverting thriller.

FILM: Titanic 3D (dir: James Cameron, 1997/2012)

"You shine up like a new penny!"

There is a fundamental reason why Titanic remains the second-biggest box-office grosser of all time: it works.  Two (long) acts of romantic tosh followed by a final third of superior disaster movie, all tied up with the hiostorical actuality of the event, means that Titanic goes beyond being a proficient four-quadrant product.  This anniversary release (15 years for the movie, 100 years for the actual event) has no Lucas-style revisionism, but it boasts an absolutely exemplary 3D conversion and digital spruce-up, from the incredible scale of the engine room to the extraordinary intimacy of Rose and Jack's final scenes, all making the film look fantastic back on the big screen.  The only downside is that occasionally it does no favours to the ageing CGI, such as the (for their time) ambitious fly-bys of the vessel with the barely-drawn characters on deck.  DiCaprio is excellent throughout, and Winslet is good but clearly yet to mature into the superb actress that she is today.  James Cameron does deserve genuine credit for handling the sheer scale of his ambition and for the coverage he gets, especially in the interior water-bound scenes.  It is of course not perfect - some of the dialogue remains quite extraordinary, fact and fiction sometimes sit together uneasily ("There's truth, but no logic,") and those wretched synthesised choirs on the soundtrack still grate - but at its heart lies a naively simplistic but touching love story, which together with one of the most awesome scenes in cinema (the splitting and sinking of the ship) back on the big screen, is truly impressive.

FILM: Streetdance 2 3D (dirs: Max Giwa and Dania Pasquini, 2012)

"Shall I start playing the violin?"

Whereas the first Streetdance movie married the curiously-British culture/class clash of street and ballet and also rode the wave of Britain's Got Talent's first TV dance troup successes, this sequel chases its American cousins by being a more crass, mechanical and unconvincing fusion of street and Latin.  A breathless opening montage has our American lead (who wears a T-shirt well and looks alarmingly like the love-child of Will Young and Kiefer Sutherland) being dragged through recognisable 3D European landmarks by George Sampson (who instantly becomes his 'manager') to assemble a multi-national dance crew to avenge an earlier humiliating defeat in a contest that takes place in - of all places - Paris.  The barely-written dialogue scenes are mercifully brief, as there is little watchable acting talent on display - Tom Conti with a comedy accent is no substitute for the first film's Charlotte Rampling - although Sofia Boutella creates some good moments as the sassy female lead.  For a film that has its protagonist's arc to discover that dancing with others is all about 'sharing the moment', there are disappointingly few whole-group routines on display, but there are some good individual dance performances, even though they tend to be shot repetitively.  There is surprisingly little actual content to the movie as a whole, and in targeting the very young tweenager it is about as edgy as a bowl of porridge (see the 'underground' dance-off in particular) and overall well-intentioned but insubstantial.

FILM: Mirror Mirror (dir: Tarsem Singh, 2012)

"We're both single adults, roughly the same age..."
"I don't think we're even -"
"- I SAID roughly!"

At last, Tarsem Singh has found a genre and a vehicle that suits his unique visual stylings, and in this respect director and film work together well - unfortunately, his stately pacing and earnestness do not make for such a good fit for the material.  The concept and trailer promised much, but the script quickly runs out of steam after a promising start, and the exuberant energy which the film clearly needs (like Tangled and Enchanted) is not sustained.  There are lots of elements that work well : Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen shows impeccable timing and delivery; Armie Hammer's Prince is terrific fun; and the reinvented dwarves are interesting.  Overall, however, the film comes across as amiable but somewhat flat.  There is also a nagging sense that April  was not the best release slot in the rush for the film to beat the rival Snow White And The Huntsman to cinemas - the film looks and plays as if a release at the end of the year would have been better.

FILM: We Bought A Zoo (dir: Cameron Crowe, 2012)

"Their happy's too loud."

...and they all lived so happily ever after, that this based-on-a-true-story movie makes The Blind Side look like a gritty documentary.  To criticise We Bought A Zoo would be like kicking a puppy, as everything about it is so determined to play for the feel-good factor, but in this respect it succeeds admirably.  The stock ingredients are lined up - widowed father, his concerned brother, cute younger daughter, angst-ridden teenage son, ailing aged tiger, funny monkey (!) - yet everyone plays it with such sunny sincerity that even the occasional glimpse of credible drama or something darker does not hold up the story too much.  Matt Damon makes a great everyman, Scarlett Johansson brings warmth to the limited role of dedicated zookeeper, the children are surprisingly effective, and in spite of an overwhelming sense of secure blandness, Cameron Crowe does bring a couple of inventively-staged sequences involving the deceased mother.  As is typical with Crowe's films, the soundtrack is well chosen, and Jonsi provides an interesting score.  Life metaphors are ladled on thickly, and when the father says, "I know exactly how this plays out," you know how he feels.  Nevertheless, We Bought A Zoo is pleasant, predictable and good-natured, and be warned, it saves a killer tear-jerker for the final frames.

FILM: The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists! 3D (dirs: Peter Lord and Jeff Newitt, 2012)

"He's not a scientist!  He's a Girl Guide!"

This is classic Aardman doing what they do best and doing it extremely well.  The relentless verbal and visual gags hit the mark almost without exception, and the film is so well shot that it puts a lot of Hollywood product to shame.  Aardman again mine their idiosyncratic (British) sense of preposterous fun, with some of the most hilariously ridiculous dialogue of recent times delivered perfectly by a great voice cast, with notable contributions from Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Imelda Staunton and (almost inevitably) Brian Blessed.  The occasional touch of Blackadder does no harm, but as ever Aardman creates another of its own peculiar little worlds that works beautifully on its own terms.  The chases and slapstick fights that feature in much of the team's output are all present and correct, and so is the attention to small details that add to the overall enjoyment.  The Pirates! may flag a little towards the end, but - like so much of Aardman's work - it is good-hearted, supremely well-made and very pleasantly enjoyable.

FILM: Wrath Of The Titans 3D (dir: Jonathan Liebesman, 2012)

"I'm not touching that again!"

First of all, the 3D in this sequel is a huge improvement on the shoddy rushed post-conversion that caused so much (excessive) disdain for the first film.  Wrath is also less child-friendly and much grittier in tone, yet it also still manages to be over-serious and occasionally dull.  The scale is epic - the Labyrinth and the escape of Kronos are particularly well-realised - and the action/battle scenes are very energetic if at times messily shot.  Sam Worthington convinces more this time round, and predictably reliable support comes from Neeson and Fiennes as the the battling god-brothers, whilst Toby Kebbell provides flashes of nicely-played lighter relief.  Women barely get a look-in - this story is all about fathers, sons and brothers - but Rosamund Pike registers briefly as the recast Andromeda, although she is ultimately simply a closing trophy for Perseus.  Overall, Wrath is a good follow-up to a moderate film, which offers big-scale big-screen entertainment but which still lacks a true sense of emotion with which to engage.

FILM: The Hunger Games (dir: Gary Ross, 2012)

"Thank you for your consideration."

This film version of the first in the best-selling trilogy of young-adult novels is surprising and remarkable - this is the growing-up of the tweenage movie.  Set in a remorselessly bleak dystopia, the final third is basically Battle Royale for the Big Brother generation, but what precedes it succesfully creates a grim divide between the rich and poor and also puts across the fiercely beating heart in human nature. Gary Ross's direction is excellent, from the quasi-documentary style of the opening Reaping to the impressionistic carnage of the Games's opening moments.  Sound design is superb, in particular using silence that is almost palpable in places to strong effect.  At the centre of the film is a rock-solid performance by Jennifer Lawrence, who completely captures the bewilderment of a girl put into situations far beyond her experience, partnered by a sincere performance from Josh Hutcherson, showing he is capable of much more than the Journey films.  The adult cast is also terrific, with powerful turns by Donald Sutherland, Lenny Kravitz and a brilliantly-nuanced Woody Harrelson.  In spite of all the news fuss, the actual violence is mostly suggested and (just) off-screen, although younger viewers may find the all-pervading sense of despair difficult, which makes The Hunger Games a brave, compelling and unusually absorbing Hollywood product.

FILM: 21 Jump Street (dirs: Phil Lord and Chris Miller, 2012)

"Run!"
"I can't!  I'm wearing tights!"

This update of the 80s teen/cop show treads a very fine line between affectionate parody and gross-out ridicule which works very well indeed.  21 Jump Street is deliciously dopey and gleefully funny for the most part, enabled by two wonderfully straight-faced and self-aware performances by Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, an unexpectedly terrific pairing.  Apart from the occasional misfire and jarring violence (especially in the later scenes), 21 Jump Street is a dumb, well-written and extremely enjoyable slice of fun.