FILM: Triple 9 (dir: John Hillcoat, 2016)

"Go out and catch some bad guys, detectives!"

Triple 9 is an astonishingly tense thriller, where moral lines are not so much blurred as thrown out of the window, and the sheer relentless pace and development of narrative keep you riveted from start to finish.  This long-gestating film has gone through various cast changes - for the better, it must be said - and has a magnificent ensemble cast; as well as red-hot individual performances from the likes of Mackie and Harrelson for example, the scenes pairing top-of-their-game Ejiofor and Winslet are superb.  Excellent editing, wonderfully lensed and superbly scored by Atticus Ross and co, Triple 9 weaves a stunning tale of  the underbelly of criminals and corrupt cops in Atlanta in what is a genuinely absorbing, exciting and utterly exhausting thriller.

FILM: Grimsby aka The Brothers Grimsby (dir: Louis Leterrier, 2016)

"Let me give you some advice, Ukranian Ben Affleck!"

Xenophobic, misogynistic, homophobic, racist: this film is out to offend everyone possible, as well as trying to take gross-out to a whole new level (you simply cannot conceive of the elephant scene until you witness it).  Grimsby does, however, get three things crucially correct: like Feig's Spy, the actual spy/action sequences are well done (with a couple of well-created POV sequences); an incredibly game 'straight-man' performance from Mark Strong pairs well with Cohen's slobby Nobby; and very surprisingly, unlike say Bruno or The Dictator, Grimsby manages to convey a bit of likeable heart from its protagonist. At the end of the day, Grimsby is tasteless and crass with some moments at which you will laugh out loud in spite of yourself, and it does not outstay its welcome at a short 83 minutes, but there is a real sense of the basic idea already stretched quite thinly.

VOD: The Green Inferno (dir: Eli Roth, 2016)

 "Oh, God!  I can smell my friend cooking!"

If the aim was to recreate the low-rent cannibal movies of the 70s/80s, then The Green Inferno succeeds.  In the process, however, we are left with a weakly-scripted, uninteresting and underwhelming experience here.  Visually, the saturated greens and reds make the movie pop off the screen, but otherwise the dull dialogue, variable performances and complete lack of surprise are all unengaging.  There is heavy-handed signposting (our student heroine attends a lecture at the start that includes references to female genital mutilation and ant-torture, so no prizes for guessing what features later on), but as the characters are largely underdeveloped and mostly unlikeable, there is not even much fun in waiting to see who gets dismembered/tortured/eaten next, and at its core the film even fails to shock, simply being routinely tasteless and unpleasant.  The Green Inferno is not one of Eli Roth's best.

VOD: Electric Boogaloo - The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films (dir: Mark Hartley, 2015)

"What they didn't have in taste, they made up for in enthusiasm."

This glorious documentary of Cannon Films and its extraordinary journey under the wild leadership of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus is an enjoyable romp through their catalogue of mostly dreadful VHS-fodder movies but also a cautionary tale of misguided ambition, Hollywood excess and artistic bankruptcy.  There is a dazzling array of fun clips and talking heads on display who not only took part in the films but also includes key players behind-the-scenes, at times only hinting at the heights of ridiculousness that must have prevailed at the time.  From the duo's early Israeli successes to taking on Hollywood (running from the Lemon Popsicle films through to the company-breaking attempts at cracking the big league with the ill-fated Masters of the Universe, Over The Top and Superman IV), the film delivers a seemingly honest, fast-paced account which veers from being appalled to incredulously affectionate towards the duo whose rise and fall unwittingly changed the face of independent cinema in this entertaining documentary. 

FILM: Zoolander 2 (dir: Ben Stiller, 2016)

"Tonight's going to be a total Jack-off!"

Like the Anchorman films, with Zoolander you either buy into it or simply miss the point completely.  However, there is one crucial difference between the two now-fledgling franchises: Anchorman manages to be funny.   Beyond the opening death-of-Bieber sequence and Ferrell hurling insults at leading fashion designers at the end,  the idea is better than the execution as no amount of posturing, silly accents and pointless cameos make up for the generally thin and humourless script.  Penelope Cruz almost survives with a valiant performance in the 'straight' role, but overall this is a rather self-satisfied  attempt at prolonging what was already a limited idea.

FILM: Deadpool (dir: Tim Miller, 2016)

 "McAvoy or Stewart?"

Thank goodness - Deadpool delivers on its promise.  It pulls off the self-aware sweary swagger with aplomb, making fun of the fact that it has nothing like the budget of its stablemates but using character and smart dialogue and storytelling to make up for it.  From the off, the quips, references and visual gags flow thick and fast and pretty consistently, the action sequences are superbly-mounted bouts of insanely violent mayhem, and even Ryan Reynolds gives an engaging performance.  The film is not perfect: the basic story is flimsy and over-familiar, there is a bit of a mid-way lull, and the female roles are simply girlfriend-in-distress, topless strippers and sidekicks.  Nevertheless, Deadpool is rollicking good grown-up superhero fun, extremely entertaining and certainly merits a second outing (see the post-credits bit of fun).

FILM: Dad's Army (dir: Oliver Parker, 2016)

"Did he say cauliflower?"
"No.  Camouflage."

Rather like Trank's Fantastic Four, the movie you get here is not really what you expect or perhaps want.  Whilst the Dad's Army film is not as dreadful as the Mrs Brown's Boys effort, it comes nowhere close to being as effective as Alan Partridge or even The Inbetweeners in terms of a TV-to-big-screen expansion. Here, the material is treated more as a drama or thriller, to the extent that the very occasional and not very strong comic pratfalls almost feel intrusive.   The quality of the cast is undeniable, and most of the actual TV characters prove indestructible (except for a curiously unenergetic Jones here), but what lets the film down is a generally lethargic pace of direction and delivery coupled with an overall muted tone that makes it drag somewhat.  The finale comes together surprisingly well, but it comes rather late in the day for the film to find the energy that it mostly lacked throughout.

FILM: Goosebumps (dir: Rob Letterman, 2016)

"Slappy's not happy!"

Right from the start, the Goosebumps movie presents itself as a superior children's fantasy adventure with some acceptable teen leads and positive character work from Jack Black, a solidly-built milieu to ground proceedings and a careful introduction of the increasingly wild fantasy elements.  The fairly simple story is bolstered by an interesting take on the R.L. Stine mythos and a crowd-pleasing uniting of favourite monsters and stories.  There are plenty of ambitious effects - most of which are very successful - along with strong set pieces (including a Gremlins-style kitchen face-off with garden gnomes) and numerous references from Elm Street to Dead Of Night, reflecting the many pastiches of popular media that Stine created in the novels.  It would have been good to have seen more of the mayhem wrought on the town by more of the creatures, but perhaps that will wait for a welcome sequel.  Goosebumps is a surprisingly strong, consistent and well-made movie that provides good mild-mannered entertainment.